After lots of stories about sandwiches, I ended up submitting this. Wish me luck, you jerks!

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"So you're really the one, huh?" asked the puma that seemed to be in charge.

Three rather intimidatingly large mercenary types wearing irregular gear of all types were soaked in rain, and none of them looked friendly or organized, or associated with any local army. Still, they were greeted with a somewhat jovial, if confusing greeting. "Yuuuuuuh-huuuuuuuuuh, wait nooooooo, but maybe. What's the codeword?" asked the fox with glittering eyes and a big smile.

Tips, named for the extra long ears, was not found nearly as cute by the strangers at the door, but they knew the codeword. "It's my understanding that this can destroy your whole house if I take it out of it's scabbard." the brute would say, holding up a sword, it's sheath covered in bizarre metal engraving, twinkling in the light in a way that's not only blinding, but confusing. Hard not to stare at, but too long would make you think it's shining through your skull with some sort of weird space beams.

"Okay, okay, come in, but wipe your feet first. You're after the vortex pit, right?", the fox would ask, pouring up cups of tea, and finding out there were more visitors coming into the house than thought. "Uhhhh huhhh... So it's the Shivering Heart of Sorrow you seek?" the fox would ask, getting very little answers from the blank helmets of the intruders.

"WE SEEK THE JEWEL OF INFINITE PROMISE!", came the bellow, with raised sword from someone barging their way in front.

"Okay, hold on, hold on, give me a sec." Tips would say, reaching under a dresser and producing a candy box, and opening up a panoply of enchanted jewels, each of which could make the difference of a major battle. The very fact that a bunch of flimsy paper could actually hold not just the Jewel of Infinite Promise, but also the Emerald of Destiny! The Sapphire of Providence! The Cubic Zirconium of Perfection!

Tips was on the verge of being forced to open the door to the old family armory when a rumbling could be heard, and only dived out an open window in time to avoid the counterattack to save the day- fliers pleaing for heroes to save an old family farm from the inevitable bandit attack.

Upon the arrival of the heroes, a melee ensued, going on a few minutes before Tips joined Taps on the roof of the house they actually lived in.

"Okay, so you crammed the tool shed full of furniture and put a bunch of fliers to teach me WHAT exactly?" the younger fox would ask, with good reason. Even full of questions, Taps wasn't full of popcorn, and thus took a handful when the bag was offered. “Why exactly do they think our tool shed is full of untold treasures and magical junk?”

"You said you want to be a hero someday, right?" Tips would say, annoyingly with a mouth full of popcorn. "We get these hero types in town all the time, and all they want to do is break things until someone gives them a medal. That's why put all the old busted furniture in the shed, along with your toy swords and all that sea glass we found. If they care about that stuff as much as the bandits, let them fight it out over it all."

Taps seemed less than convinced. "I really know that I'm supposed to be learning a moral lesson here, but didn't you trick the people you said you were hiring to help you?"

The sounds of battle didn't bother Tips in the slightest- after all, this wasn't a deadly encounter, neither
adventurer nor bandit looking to die over a loot that had seemingly been lost or smashed during the fray. Even though injured parties of both sides could be seen limping off, the shed could still be heard rumbling with activity, shouting taunts and challenges. "Do you want to be like one of them? Fighting over something they aren't even sure about? I didn't hire anyone." Tips would say, gazing at the shed. "I just put up the fliers. Anyone that showed up was just stupid enough to walk into a fight that didn't have to do with anything. If you actually want to be a hero, then you'll fight for something you actually care about and believe in."

"And that is...?"

"You'll know."

"And how exactly, do you expect two different groups to not find jewels and gold, and not come knocking on our doorstop immediately afterwards?" Taps asked with a critical sneer.

"Do you remember when I made you dress up all in blankets like a mummy so you could stuff that huge hornet's nest into an expensive-looking vase?"

"Oh. OHHH. Right." Taps would say, tucking into the popcorn and watching the rest of the show.